My Birth Story #2

 

Cleo Elizabeth Fish

4th August 2020 at 12.13am

7lbs6oz

At my 35 week scan I was told Cleo was looking big so was booked in for another scan at 37 weeks, following this scan I was booked in for induction on the 1st August, 5 days before her due date. I was a bit frustrated with this as I felt 5 days early wasn't enough if she really was as big as they expected, I was panicking I would birth a 10lb baby with loads of complications and an emergency c section.

I was however happy that we would be able to plan things better and get Rory settled at his grandparents house before heading into hospital. Little did I know at this point that I wouldn't be seeing him again until the 7th and missing his 2nd birthday on the 5th. Every mother worst nightmare and i'll feel guilty about it for the rest of my life. It broke my heart to miss it.

Due to corona, Liam was only allowed to drop me at the door of the ward and couldn't return until I was in labour.

Not long after arriving I was checked and only at 1cm dilated so the midwife inserted 5 rods in my cervix with the intention of stretching me to 2cm over the next 24hours and making enough room for my waters to be broken. I was then sent back to the ward and stayed there until the 3rd waiting to be called to the Delivery Suite for induction. Two days bored and alone waiting to be called. I couldn't leave the ward or have visitors, the food was vile, it was a pretty awful few days. 

On the morning of the 3rd I was finally called to Delivery Suite to get things moving! I was soon going to meet my baby girl! Liam was called and met me in delivery not long after I arrived. I was determined for this to be a more positive experience than Rory's birth so it was arranged for me to get an epidural at the same time as the hormone drip being started, in hope of a calm, pain free experience. Which mostly, it was.

First, I was checked again and was 3cm, I had some mild contractions during the night, the rods had done their job. The midwife needed to pull my cervix forward in order to pop my water. That was extremely painful, I was given gas and air, I remember having to zone out and sing to Taylor Swift - Mad Women in my head to distract myself. My waters were popped and the gush of water was unreal. I was gushing for a good hour. Me and Liam went for a walk to see if I would get any contractions, I didn't.

When we returned I was hooked up to the drip, catheter and given the epidural. The epidural was fine this time, I remember is being very painful with Rory as I was contracting the whole way through but this time it was really painless and calm. I was COVERED in wires and tubes, I was now unable to leave the bed until baby girl arrived. The midwife was unable to monitor Cleo as she wouldn't stay still so a clip was placed on her head. Another wire but it was more comfortable that the bump straps anyway.

We put some music on, Taylor Swift - Folklore, of course and settled in while the drip did its job, time actually moved quite fast, we chatted, sang along to the music and stuffed our faces with wine gums.

Some things may be in slightly the wrong order here as labour is the hardest thing to remember but a common side effect of the epidural is low blood pressure. All of a sudden I felt like my head was spinning, I couldn't see or hear properly and I remember calmly saying "something doesn't feel right" the midwife immediate knew what was wrong, pressed the buzzed and loads of people came rushing in. They got everything under control pretty quickly and the hormone drip was paused while I recovered. This was the worst I felt throughout the whole labour, the only way I can describe it was that I felt like the life was draining from my body.

Not long after the drip was started up again, things were moving alone and I could feel I was having contractions but there was no pain. The midwife did a routine check on the epidural and it was found to have travelled too far up my body so had to be paused until the doctor could check on me and allow the epidural to continue. During this time the epidural began to wear off and I could feel very close together painful contractions. I couldn't talk, only lay on my side and breathe through them. The midwife suspected I hadn't progressed much so mentioned a c section might be needed but that she would check me first. Turns out I was 10cms and baby girl was very much ready to be born. It had been 10cm contractions I was feeling and they hurt. The doctor gave the go ahead on the epidural so we got that going again and I started to push. It took 8 minutes, she was so ready that I barely had to push as it felt like she was pushing herself out. It was an amazing experience, no pain and within minutes she was on my chest. It was completely different to pushing with Rory, it was long and painful. Cleo was the opposite.

I didn't cry when I first saw her, I didn't with Rory either, its like mum mode takes over and I immediately demanded Liam take photos, I got her in a comfy position, latched her on and she happily fed for ages while me and Liam just stared at her.

All the usual after birth stuff was done, I hadn't torn so no stitches for me! I didn't with Rory either so I'm pretty chuffed my bits are still in tact as we aren't planning on anymore babies. I felt really good. My temperature was checked and it was high, it quickly went back to normal but we both still had to be treated for infection which meant a hospital stay. Liam was allowed to stay with us for about 4 hours then Cleo and I were taken of the the ward and he went home without us. This was horrible as we had no idea when we would see each other next. 

We were in for another 4 days, I responded well to antibiotics but Cleo's infection markers increased so she needed further treatment. She also had jaundice but thankfully it didn't need treatment. I hated those 4 days, I missed Rory's birthday, it was boiling hot, I had no visitors and couldn't sleep through the noise. Every night I would listen to women cry over their babies cots because they missed their family, they were in too much pain to lift their babies and many struggled to breastfeed. The midwives were amazing but not enough of them to do what partners usually would. They were relied on for everything including comforting me when I had a breakdown on day 5.

Cleo's birth was almost perfect, the positive birth I had hoped for but the hospital stay will always haunt me. But it was all worth it for our beautiful (not 10lb) Cleo.

Letter To Cleo

Cleo Elizabeth Fish

Born 04/08/20 at 12.13am

Weighing 7lb6oz 

Baby Cleo is here! I will write her birth story soon but in the meantime I thought I’d share this letter that I wrote to Cleo in the notes on my phone, 6 hours after we got the positive test. She is everything I’d hoped she’d be and more. Head over to my Instagram to see all the cute photos I’ve taken of her over the past few weeks!

The day I found out about you...

Not one part of me believed you existed on that Wednesday morning, your dad rushing for work, I also had work all day that day so was trying to get your brother sorted and ready. I took that test and set it down on the floor while your daddy got ready and Rory running riot playing with Watson’s bowl. As I said, I genuinely didn’t expect to see that cross. Not one part of me expected it. We had been trying for you for only 3months, expecting it would take a long time as it did with your brother. My ovaries were against us and I was still breastfeeding so what were the chances? 

Turns out very high! 

We weren’t ready for you to happen this soon, we were shocked, terrified, worried but completely overwhelmed with happiness and excitement of what was to come.

I was scared of going through labour again, it was the most awful thing I’ve ever experienced with your brother. The hottest day of the year, it didn’t go well and somehow your due date was just a few days different to his was meaning another scorching hot labour and two babies with pretty much the same birthday! Apparently I only make August babies?!

Now, I’m sitting here at work in a completely empty restaurant having now known for 6hours. Still not completely believing this is real but that cross was clear as day and no matter how many times I look back at the photo I took this morning, it’s still positive. 

I’m drinking a god awful decaf coffee and I’m happy. So happy. I can’t wait to do it all again, all the pain, the sleepless nights, the crying and the smiles. I’m ready to do it all again. I can’t wait to meet you! 

Baby Girls Hospital Bag

I packed baby girls bag a few weeks ago but after finding out she may be a little on the big side, I pulled it all out and replaced the newborn sleepsuit with a 0-3month instead! This is how its all looking now, ready to go! 

I am using this small travel bag that connects to my suitcase, this is perfect for ease as I’ll only have one thing to pull (suitcase has wheels). Everything only just fits!

First items are of course nappies and wipes. Tescos nappies are the best nappies in my opinion and Aldi wipes are great, sensitive and really wet. Also a favourite. 

Next, I’ve packed three muslins, all from Next. Both for cleaning up sick but also as a breastfeeding cover. I’ve packed three short sleeve vests in 0-1months which will hopefully fit! 

Clothing wise. I’ve got three 0-1month sleepsuits and one 0-3months incase she really is a big girl! All these have built in mittens so I haven’t packed any extra ones. The pink and navy are from Next, the turquoise is from Tesco F&F and the gorgeous floral is from V for Very. I’ve also packed one little pink hat from H&M, I don’t think Rory wore a hat at all in hospital but I’ve got one just in case. 

Lastly, I’ve packed a grey cellular blanket from Mothercare, Rory was mostly wrapped in a towel at the hospital so this is just a backup option, I chose grey so it would match with all the sleepsuits and look cute in photos. I have this Hello World plaque from Amazon for taking her first

photos with and the birth announcement. 

I’ve kept mine and babies hospital bags really simple as I didn’t use most of what I’d packed first time around. I’m pretty sure I’ve got everything I need and Liam can always bring me anything I’ve

forgotten. Anything you packed for your little ones that you think I’ve missed? 

Pregnancy During A Pandemic & Choices To Make

The first half of this pregnancy all went to plan, no pandemic and Liam was at every appointment and scan, we found out her gender at 16weeks at a private scan. It all went perfectly until

the pandemic hit. 

Suddenly my work closed, I was home all day everyday trying to occupy a toddler, Liam was in constant fear of furlough and our bedroom became his home office. It felt like he was completely excluded from this pregnancy. He went from being involved in everything to being cruelly cut out of the whole process. 

As this is baby number 2, for me, it wasn’t so bad going to scans and appointments alone. I knew the process, I knew how to find places and where to park when I got there,  how to answer the questions but it felt really wrong not having Liam by my side hearing baby girls heartbeat and holding my hand. We’re one of those sickening couples who do everything together so it’s been really hard on both of us.

I know this is all in place to protect me, my baby and everyone else but now at 35weeks pregnant with birth looming I can’t help but feel angry that pubs, restaurants and shops are open but still I’m expected to go through a lot of this alone. I won’t lie, I think it’s disgusting and will have a huge impact on both parents mental health. It’s already effecting mine. 

At my 35weeks scan a few days ago I was informed that baby girl is already weighing in at 6lb15oz which is alarmingly big with 5weeks still to go. Gestational Diabetes has been ruled out so baby is simply just big. I will be having another scan in a few weeks to access further then will likely have to choose between an induction or a c section somewhere between 39 and 40weeks pregnant. I was scared before but now I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do for the best and the thought of having to go through a portion of it alone is making it a whole lot scarier. 

I’m so excited to meet my baby soon but this is just not how I expected it going and I feel robbed of the experience. 

Have you had a baby recently? I’d love to know how you found it. Especially if you had to be induced or have a c section. Horror stories or positive all welcome! 

Thanks for reading! 

Baby Girl Nursery Corner

It has been so long since I posted! So much has happened! If you follow me on Instagram @everydayamyblog you will know that I’m 30weeks pregnant with a baby girl! It’s all been quite the whirlwind, we got pregnant on the first month having planned for it to take much longer like it did with Rory and then of course, Corona Virus happened and we’ve all been very much preoccupied with life on lockdown. Everything has been very different this time around, having to buy most things we needed online or in supermarkets and attending appointments alone but thankfully, all has been fine and we are almost fully prepared for her arrival. Starting with her nursery corner....

We have a much smaller space to work with but I think we’ve managed it. We literally have a cot and a chest of draws. The nursing chair is still in Rorys room as we didn’t have space and we still use it a lot with him so hopefully we can manage without but if not, we do have it so will just have to find a way to move it. We’ve gone for a grey, pink and white theme. We’ve kept it quite simple and gone for the same Mokee cot Rory has so that when they eventually share a room, they will match. Rorys will likely be a cot bed by then but they will still look good together and it’s been a great cot for him so it seemed like a good idea to get the same one. 

We have a cot top changing mat, this is Rorys old one. It’s still in prefect condition and worked really well the first time around. By Mokee again, it is very sturdy and great for saving space.

We have this lovely mobile which was actually handmade by baby girls Auntie, we were going to use Rorys old one again as it was beautiful but it felt to boyish and it’s just really nice to have something brand new just for her. I can just imagine her staring up at it in awe just like Rory used to with his. 

We also bought the Mokee sleep pod, we won’t be using this for nighttime sleep but it lives here currently. It will be great for keeping baby safe from her brother when sleeping downstairs or just a nice place for her to chill while she’s small. With a toddler and an energetic chihuahua in the house, it seemed like a good idea!

We have the Mokee Moses basket which was Rorys to use at nighttime, due to space we probably won’t use the legs, it will just go in the cot but it’s still packed away at the moment. As you can probably tell by now, we are big Mokee fans, they worked so well for us with Rory so we’re super excited to use it all again.

Under the cot we have two storage boxes, one with extra wipes and nappies, the other with other essentials like the breast pump, creams, shampoo that sort of thing. Both of these will likely end up empty soon after she’s born when things get used up so will just become extra storage space. Shoved at the back we have our new Baby Bjorn carrier in pink, I am so excited to use this!

This is the only little bit of floor space she has in her nursery corner so ive popped this little box of newborn toys so that they are close by for her to play with both on the floor and in the cot while I’m getting ready or need a safe place to put her while I’m dealing with big bro. These are all Rorys old toys but we will hopefully get a few new bits to add before she’s born.

This is her chest of draws area, down the side we have the Moses basket legs in case we do decide to use them. On top we have a two copper baskets, one with nappies, wipes and bum cream to have handy for nappy changes and the other has a few teddies and a book. We also have the google hub here for playing baby lullaby’s or for use during night feeds. We will have a baby monitor here once she’s born but it is currently in Rorys room for testing out!

Clothes! We really overbought with Rory and he didn’t wear 80% of it so we’ve been really careful this time. This is all 0-1month or smaller clothes, I have some larger things packed away elsewhere but we are assuming she will be similar size to Rory was and he was in 0-1month for about 2months. We haven’t bought fancy outfits, just a selection of sleep suits, vests and leggings. A couple of cardigans, bibs, hats and socks, loads of muslins because they are just an essential. I absolutely love these IKEA draw dividers, these are Rorys but since we can’t get to IKEA I’ve stolen his and will replace them later. Pandemic problems!

The second draw has towels, blankets and bedding. We had so many baby towels and blankets with Rory which we didn’t use so we’ve majorly scaled back. I think we have the perfect amount here. 

The bottom two draws have mine and Liams things in, we might need to give these up as she accumulates more stuff but this seems to work for now. 

I am so pleased it all sorted! I can’t relax knowing things aren't done so I’m feeling much calmer and happier, 10 weeks to go and all I need to do is buy things for the hospital bag and pack it which I will be in the next few weeks probably. It’s hard to get what I need when we can’t go shopping but hopefully as restrictions slowly get lifted, I’ll be able to get the rest of the bits. 

We have a name/initial poster to put up either above the cot or the draws but her name will be a secret until she’s born so no showing that! It’s all really come together and i am just so excited to meet her now!

Rory is 18 Months Old!

How the hell is my little 7lb15oz baby boy 18 months old?! I have been slacking with blogging recently but if you follow me on instagram you'll have seen Rory grow into a toddler before your eyes. He is 100% not a baby anymore. There have been some major changes since I last updated you...

Biggest change is that he is no longer breastfeeding as of a few weeks ago, I really thought it would be so hard on us both but it has been surprisingly fine! He's taken to being without it really quickly, he used to feed to sleep which he still does but with a bottle of cows milk instead, the transition happened really easily and he's been sleeping much better because of it. It has also meant that Liam has been able to settle him equally as well as I can which has lead to me actually having a couple of nights full sleep, no wake ups for me! Rory is still waking a few times a night but that is good for him and it means me and Liam only have to deal with one little wake up each so we are all feeling more refreshed!

Rory is far from being a good sleeper or sleeping through the night but finally progress has been made! He naps for usually 3 hours in the afternoon and has been really consistent with naps for while, this week he's been testing them a little bit but its been so nice to have that time to chill out.

Health wise the poor kid hasn't had the best time of it, starting just before Christmas he began throwing up multiple times a day and this went on for months and still occasionally happens now. We are still looking into the cause with his paediatrician so far, we know he is anaemic. But more blood and urine has been taken and we are waiting on results. Due to this, for a while he went off food and became scared to try new things or even eat some of his favourites through fear of being sick. He is just now improving on this and eating more and more, his appetite is finally back but he's less adventurous than he used to be. He does have a major sweet tooth, loves cake, biscuits and fruit!

We love cake dates in local coffee shops just me and him.

He lost a little weight while he was ill but it seems to be back, he's such a big boy, looking more like a 2 year old than just 18 months but he is also very advanced physically. He can walk, run, climb, jump, dance, do it all! He getting better with his speech but still not saying too much, his favourite words being no and daddy. 

The biggest development is that he's going to be a big brother! Im 14 weeks pregnant and we are so excited to add a new addition to our not so little family! We got pregnant very quickly which we didn't expect considering our issues conceiving Rory so we are of course really grateful for that but also terrified as the baby is due the day after Rorys 2nd birthday meaning a very stressful August and a still very young toddler to contend with as well as a newborn! 

We just know Rory will take it all in his stride like he always does, we can't wait to see what the next 6months hold and make every second count of Rory being an only child. Except Watson the pup of course!