Cleo Elizabeth Fish
4th August 2020 at 12.13am
7lbs6oz
At my 35 week scan I was told Cleo was looking big so was booked in for another scan at 37 weeks, following this scan I was booked in for induction on the 1st August, 5 days before her due date. I was a bit frustrated with this as I felt 5 days early wasn't enough if she really was as big as they expected, I was panicking I would birth a 10lb baby with loads of complications and an emergency c section.
I was however happy that we would be able to plan things better and get Rory settled at his grandparents house before heading into hospital. Little did I know at this point that I wouldn't be seeing him again until the 7th and missing his 2nd birthday on the 5th. Every mother worst nightmare and i'll feel guilty about it for the rest of my life. It broke my heart to miss it.
Due to corona, Liam was only allowed to drop me at the door of the ward and couldn't return until I was in labour.
Not long after arriving I was checked and only at 1cm dilated so the midwife inserted 5 rods in my cervix with the intention of stretching me to 2cm over the next 24hours and making enough room for my waters to be broken. I was then sent back to the ward and stayed there until the 3rd waiting to be called to the Delivery Suite for induction. Two days bored and alone waiting to be called. I couldn't leave the ward or have visitors, the food was vile, it was a pretty awful few days.
On the morning of the 3rd I was finally called to Delivery Suite to get things moving! I was soon going to meet my baby girl! Liam was called and met me in delivery not long after I arrived. I was determined for this to be a more positive experience than Rory's birth so it was arranged for me to get an epidural at the same time as the hormone drip being started, in hope of a calm, pain free experience. Which mostly, it was.
First, I was checked again and was 3cm, I had some mild contractions during the night, the rods had done their job. The midwife needed to pull my cervix forward in order to pop my water. That was extremely painful, I was given gas and air, I remember having to zone out and sing to Taylor Swift - Mad Women in my head to distract myself. My waters were popped and the gush of water was unreal. I was gushing for a good hour. Me and Liam went for a walk to see if I would get any contractions, I didn't.
When we returned I was hooked up to the drip, catheter and given the epidural. The epidural was fine this time, I remember is being very painful with Rory as I was contracting the whole way through but this time it was really painless and calm. I was COVERED in wires and tubes, I was now unable to leave the bed until baby girl arrived. The midwife was unable to monitor Cleo as she wouldn't stay still so a clip was placed on her head. Another wire but it was more comfortable that the bump straps anyway.
We put some music on, Taylor Swift - Folklore, of course and settled in while the drip did its job, time actually moved quite fast, we chatted, sang along to the music and stuffed our faces with wine gums.
Some things may be in slightly the wrong order here as labour is the hardest thing to remember but a common side effect of the epidural is low blood pressure. All of a sudden I felt like my head was spinning, I couldn't see or hear properly and I remember calmly saying "something doesn't feel right" the midwife immediate knew what was wrong, pressed the buzzed and loads of people came rushing in. They got everything under control pretty quickly and the hormone drip was paused while I recovered. This was the worst I felt throughout the whole labour, the only way I can describe it was that I felt like the life was draining from my body.
Not long after the drip was started up again, things were moving alone and I could feel I was having contractions but there was no pain. The midwife did a routine check on the epidural and it was found to have travelled too far up my body so had to be paused until the doctor could check on me and allow the epidural to continue. During this time the epidural began to wear off and I could feel very close together painful contractions. I couldn't talk, only lay on my side and breathe through them. The midwife suspected I hadn't progressed much so mentioned a c section might be needed but that she would check me first. Turns out I was 10cms and baby girl was very much ready to be born. It had been 10cm contractions I was feeling and they hurt. The doctor gave the go ahead on the epidural so we got that going again and I started to push. It took 8 minutes, she was so ready that I barely had to push as it felt like she was pushing herself out. It was an amazing experience, no pain and within minutes she was on my chest. It was completely different to pushing with Rory, it was long and painful. Cleo was the opposite.
I didn't cry when I first saw her, I didn't with Rory either, its like mum mode takes over and I immediately demanded Liam take photos, I got her in a comfy position, latched her on and she happily fed for ages while me and Liam just stared at her.
All the usual after birth stuff was done, I hadn't torn so no stitches for me! I didn't with Rory either so I'm pretty chuffed my bits are still in tact as we aren't planning on anymore babies. I felt really good. My temperature was checked and it was high, it quickly went back to normal but we both still had to be treated for infection which meant a hospital stay. Liam was allowed to stay with us for about 4 hours then Cleo and I were taken of the the ward and he went home without us. This was horrible as we had no idea when we would see each other next.
We were in for another 4 days, I responded well to antibiotics but Cleo's infection markers increased so she needed further treatment. She also had jaundice but thankfully it didn't need treatment. I hated those 4 days, I missed Rory's birthday, it was boiling hot, I had no visitors and couldn't sleep through the noise. Every night I would listen to women cry over their babies cots because they missed their family, they were in too much pain to lift their babies and many struggled to breastfeed. The midwives were amazing but not enough of them to do what partners usually would. They were relied on for everything including comforting me when I had a breakdown on day 5.
Cleo's birth was almost perfect, the positive birth I had hoped for but the hospital stay will always haunt me. But it was all worth it for our beautiful (not 10lb) Cleo.
