Sunday 26 August 2018

3 Weeks Of Being A First Time Mum


My little Rory has been in this world for three whole weeks today! It is insane how quickly that time has gone, how much he has changed, how much I have changed! I feel like there is so much stuff online about having a baby, pregnancy and looking after a baby but I want to talk about me and what it has been like to be a mum the past three weeks...

1. Obvious one but I am so tired! For the first two and a half weeks Rory slept so well and we felt so lucky! He typically went to sleep at 12pm and slept till 9am waking up every three hours for a feed and not being too hard to put back down. The last few days however, he hasn't slept a wink. Not much during the day and virtually nothing at night, we think he has a touch of colic or reflux maybe. But its been hell.

2. Breastfeeding is hard but not for the reasons you'd think. He feeds really well and is gaining weight perfectly but I'm finding the restrictions it imposes really hard. I feel like every time we go out it is a constant worry about him getting hungry and having to try and find somewhere suitable to feed him. The cluster feeding is killing me as well, I just feel like I have no time to do anything because I am constantly glued to the sofa feeding. I also find it so frustrating that its all down to me, unlike bottle feeding, I can't share the task. I know this all makes me sound selfish but its just how I'm feeling right now!

3. For the first time in my life, I want to do housework but can't! Every time I try and get anything done in the house, he needs feeding and I'm sofa bound again. How does so much mess get made when we never leave the sofa?!

4. I feel like my body is falling apart, I am still taking blood pressure medication for the foreseeable future, I was having to be injected at home for 8 days after birth and then about a week ago I had a mysterious allergic reaction! My whole body was covered in hives, I was itching like crazy and looked awful. I also developed an ear infection that was the most painful thing on earth. I am feeling a bit better now but it was a stressful time.

5. I'm not gonna lie, there has been a few times when I haven't changed my knickers for a few days because i've just completely forgotten, not cleaned my teeth and worn the same clothes for a week. I don't have the time!

6. Another breastfeeding woe has been the leaking! I can't stand it, I constantly smell like gone off milk, my bras are always soaked. I have recently found a solution in the form of Breast Shells which as like plastic cups that you put over your nipples to collect milk. I leak the most when feeding from the other breast so when I fed I put a shell on the other one to catch the leaks. It is insane how much comes out just during one feed!

7. I have loved having all the visitors coming to meet our little bundle of joy but it has meant that there wasn't much time to nap when the baby napped. I have felt like I'm running on nothing for ages!

8. My poor pup, Watson has been such a dream and taking to being a big brother so well but I miss him so much! I feel like our quality time together has been taken away, I desperately want a 4 hour nap just me and him so we can cuddle like old time. Fat chance of that though!

9. Everything is a constant worry, for some reason, I am super paranoid about his temperature. I feel like I'm always trying to figure out how many layers he needs and if he's warm enough at night. Constantly checking he's not too chilly. Probably due to the fact he needed to be under a heat lamp for a night in the hospital so subconsciously I feel like he's cold all the time.

10. Overall though, I know this probably all sounds like me complaining but I am loving being a mum. Rory is such an amazing little person already with such a big personality.


He really does make it all worth it!

Tuesday 21 August 2018

My Birth Story



Rory James Fish is here! Born on Sunday 5th August at 11.47pm, weighing 7lb15oz

It has now been almost two weeks of whirlwind bliss, sleepless nights, endless medication and lots and lots of visitors!

This post may be a little hard to follow as it was all quite traumatic and I was very much out of it for the vast majority but ill try my best to recall what I can and have my partner, Liam, try and fill in the rest!

So, I felt the first few cramps/pains on the Friday, I wasn't sure at this point that it was the start of anything, I was only two days overdue and most of me thought that it was just pregnancy aches and pains. I had been feeling pretty rough for a few weeks now, tired, aching, hot and just generally sluggish. All seemed like normal pregnancy symptoms to me. 

I had swollen ankles, legs and fingers for a while already which my midwife had deemed normal but more recently I had noticed that my fingers weren't bending properly, they tingled pretty much all the time and the lines in my palms had become inflamed and red looking. Again, we called and spoke with a midwife who again deemed it normal. 

I had also been told for the past few months that my blood pressure was a little on the high side but there was nothing to worry about. Being a first time mum, I did as I was told and didn't worry.


Come the Saturday I was felling pretty much the same, we went food shopping, had quite a busy day actually then Liam had work in the evening so I sent him on his way even though by this point I was quite sure I was in labour. 

I had lost my mucus plug in the morning which was tinged with blood so by now I was quite sure it was go time but I knew it would take a while to progress so I thought it best he just go to work as normal and I tried to enjoy a chilled evening on my birthing ball.

I started timing the contractions at about 7pm, Liam arrived home from work at about 11pm and by 4am they were quite close together, every three minutes lasting roughly 1min each. They were painful but I was managing just fine and sort of starting to think that maybe labour wasn't going to be that bad.

 Spoiler: I was so wrong.

We set off for the hospital at about 4am, I had planned on giving birth at the Birth Place at our hospital which is basically a much nicer ward with a more relaxed approach but were informed that it was full and I would have to head to the normal labour ward. This annoyed me a bit but by this point things were starting to hurt a lot more and I just wanted to be examined and get a move on.

We were taken to have some checks done, did a pee sample which was found to have protein in, did my blood pressure which was very high and my temperature was also a little on the high side. I would have been sent home at this point ordinarily as things hadn't progressed as far as I had hoped but due to these red flags I was transferred into a delivery room to settle in. 

The delivery room was actually really nice, large and well equipped so it didn't bother me so much that I wasn't able to go to the fancy Birth Place. Only problem was that there was no chair for Liam to sit on so he spend my 17hour labour alternating between sitting on the window ledge and on a birthing chair which is basically shaped like a horse saddle. Not comfortable for a man!

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I was hooked up to or what was being injected into me. I didn't care. The pain became unbearable pretty quickly, it will have been intensified by my crazy high temperature and my blood pressure of 178/124 which is really bloody high. I felt like I was handling it, I had my gas and air, I had a cannula inserted which I'll admit was extremely painful but I handled it. I then decided to get up and go for a shower to see if that would reduce the pain, it did reduce the pain, I was in there for 45mins, I didn't want to leave. But getting to the shower, undressing, then redressing and getting back to the bed was so intensely painful that I spent a lot of the time clinging to Liam to stop myself crumpling into a ball on the floor.  Which I did do once.

I hadn't intended on an epidural but the midwife mentioned it to me as she could see I was struggling so I decided to go for it. It took ages for the anaesthetist to come and I was beginning to get extremely fed up with the pain and the waiting so I was pretty damn excited when he finally arrived!

I don't regret the epidural at all as I genuinely don't think I could have carried on without it but oh my god did it hurt getting it done. I had to sit on the side of the bed with my feet up on a stool and lean forward onto Liams shoulders but as babies head was so low down but this point, leaning forward was virtually impossible. I was also slumped to one side throughout, the anaesthetist kept telling me to sit straight otherwise the epidural may not effect both sides of my body evenly but I just couldn't do it. So unfortunately he was completely right and I actually could feel a little on my left side, I could feel my catheter constantly which really hurt and contractions were more intense on my left side. I told the midwife that I was able to feel the catheter and that I could feel it constantly being tugged on but she didn't believe me as the epidural should have stopped that pain but believe me when I say it didn't! 

I was throwing up from the beginning of labour, I was sick at home a few times before we left, I was sick again while being examined initially then the major sick explosion happened when I was at about 8cm dilated. They had been pumping loads of fluids into me and the catheter didn't seem to be working, that fluid had to go somewhere! My legs and feet were so swollen it was unreal! So that is were some of the fluid was going but the rest decided to make its way out in an insane projectile vomit explosion that went all over Liam! All over his clothes and in his shoes! Which he didn't have spares of so poor Liam had to endure the rest of labour wearing sick shoes. With added lumps of Wine Gums.

Once the epidural kicked in the labour became actually pretty enjoyable! We had a lovely student midwife who we chatted to about life, our pets, movies and everything in between. She really made me feel calm and less terrified for a few hours! So a big thank you to her! I was then at 10cm but wasn't allowed to push because they needed to wait for my blood pressure to be under control. Babies heart rate also dropped and what felt like hundreds of people were rushed into the room, luckily it went back up nice and quick but still we had to wait a good few hours before the midwife felt it was safe for me to push him out! 

The actual pushing was taken nice and slow to be on the safe side, it took just over an hour. I know it sounds mental but I actually really enjoyed this part! Due to the epidural I wasn't really feeling pain, just an intense feeling of his head lowering and it felt amazing to feel him slowly coming closer and closer to birth. The midwife kept leaving the room and telling me to continue pushing which was terrifying! What if he came out while she was gone?! I guess she knew he wasn't as close as I thought.

The pain of actually pushing him out can only be described as like nothing I've ever felt before. It was intensely painful but also magical and somehow bearable due to the excitement and feeling of achievement I suppose. The actual labour was so long and the constant pain is what made it unbearable but this was different somehow. 

After roughly an hour and 15mins Rory James Fish in all his goop covered glory was plopped onto my chest. It was surreal, it was life changing and so so emotional.  Neither of us cried, we were both just so shocked and happy. 

Rory was cold and purple, we cuddled for a little bit but then he was taken off to warm him up and try and get him looking and feeling more normal. During this time all the after birth stuff was done, Liam went with the baby and I was checked over (no tears, woohoo!) and had the placenta grossly pulled out of me. All this went well and was basically a walk in the park compared to everything else I had been through. 

Luckily, Rory did perk up and was returned to us to try out breastfeeding and attempt to get some sleep not that we could because we just wanted to stare at him!

We were brought the most amazing tea and toast, dripping with salty butter and it was the best thing we had ever eaten! 

Following his birth we stayed in the hospital for two days. Rory had trouble holding heat so had to be kept under a heat lamp which was not fun with how horribly hot the weather was, I spent two days dripping with sweat and drinking water like it was going out of style. We both had a course of antibiotics to treat suspected sepsis, he pulled out his cannula twice and we both got stabbed, poked and prodded repeatedly but by the Tuesday we got discharged and headed home to start family life!


We arrived home at 11pm so carefully placed Rory in his Moses Basket for the first time! I woke him up to feed every 3 hours but he slept like an angel which I am so thankful for as I was shattered! It was so surreal waking up to this beautiful sight in the morning!




I'm sure i've missed out loads from this birth story but honestly, it was the hardest thing i've ever done. I genuinely don't think I could go through it again but he is so worth it! 

welcome to the world Rory James Fish! We love you so much and can't wait for all our adventures together!

Sunday 12 August 2018

40 Weeks Pregnancy Update!


I wrote this post a few weeks ago and had it saved ready to post. Fast forward to today and I am sat holding my beautiful baby boy! (more on that to come!) But in the meantime, this is my 40 week pregnancy update!



This baby is fully cooked and ready come out! But sadly that doesn't mean he will! 

I really had it in my head that he would come a few weeks early as he is so big already, he's been head down since 17weeks, his head has been engaged for a while already and we had some dates confusion at the beginning of the pregnancy. So because I have been thinking that this whole pregnancy, now I feel like I'm already sooooo overdue due even though I'm not!

Pregnancy has gotten really hard the past few weeks...

1. Maternity leave, without a baby, has gotten truly old. I am so bored! Everything is ready for baby boys arrival so I genuinely have nothing to do and its killing me!

2. I cannot get comfortable. My whole body aches, it doesn't matter what position I am in, sitting, standing, laying, doesn't matter. It hurts.

3. Ive been really trying to make use of the birthing ball and bounce as much as possible but it is easier said than done when your body is this big and painful.

4. Baby boys head is fully engaged and super low down so that is contributing heavily to the discomfort I'm feeling, the bottom of my stomach/pelvis area is just so heavy. I feel like I need to sit with my legs wide open like a man all the time. Too sexy.

5. Stretch marks have been minimal until now but now that baby has dropped I've suddenly gotten horrible red ones under my bump and on my hips. I never thought they would bother me but they really do, they aren't even that bad and I know its completely natural but I have to admit its getting me down a bit.

6. Another sexy symptom is this week is diarrhoea and it is not enjoyable, a lot more often than usual and my farts stink so bad that I keep thinking it's the dog but it's actually me. 

7. My nips have been quite sore this week, they have been leaking for a while but they haven't been sore. So this recent soreness has been crap but hopefully it just means labour is imminent. Wishful thinking.

8. Everything is swollen, my feet, my fingers and my knees are the worse. I can't stand it, I hate not being able to wear my engagement ring and flip flops were ok until our crazy rain this week so because I can't fit in any other shoes so i've been getting very wet feet. 

9. All anyone says to me is "No baby yet?" or every phone call we make is met with "Is it time?!" NO, HES NEVER COMING OUT!

10. We have tried everything we can think of to get this baby out, spicy food, raspberry leaf tea, long walks, birthing ball, massages, sex. The lot. Nothing is budging this boy!


As this will hopefully be my last pregnancy update, I'd just like to say that although these updates don't always make pregnancy out to be all that great. Actually, i've really loved being pregnant, despite all the gross bits, the uncomfortable bits and the stress, it really is the most magical experience. I don't think there is anything quite like growing a little life inside you and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat!